trying

i'm trying
so hard
to just let go
of my addiction
to maybe be a little bit more
healthy about my consumption
but it's like
the less i have
the more i need
and i just feel weaker
than i did
before
i even bothered trying.

this sickness is overwhelming.
and it's kind of hard to think.
my emotions are blinding me.
and i just
need
this.
before it's too late
and i have nothing left.
nothing left but that
bitter empty feeling
of defeat

just like last time.
just like every time.