Day Two.

I realized, I can't write poetry anymore.
All my poems have been about wanting him and being hurt and being torn.
About being unhappy.
But I don't want him anymore.
And I don't feel hurt anymore.
And I am not torn at all.
I know exactly what I want, and I feel good.
I would give up my writing abilities for that any day.
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A one way window seems to block
Emotions running through my veins
But after the initial shock
I start to feel the throbbing, numbing pain

Embrace the torture, Feed the flame
From tainted nightmares I’ll awake
And maybe I am not to blame
For all my imperfections and mistakes

In my reflection all I see
Atrocious shadows on the glass
A bleak cause for my infamy
And your attention never seems to last

Is every word you say a lie
And surely truth is much more grim
Am I so flawless in your eyes
Self doubt will cause vitality to dim

I’ll halt my tears, I’ll hide my face
Corrupting thoughts corrode my mind
My trepidation is misplaced
And in the end, my feelings intertwine
And in the end uncertainty defined

+

These nights my moral thoughts are faded
As if I am intoxicated
And here with him is where I must remain

The grit and sand that blinds my mind
Leaves all my doubts of him behind
In this infatuation glass should reign

Yet when I'm in your line of fire
This jealousy spurns my desire
An aspiration running through my veins

With just one glance my heart does race
And every minute seems to waste
Narcotics, sweet from which I must abstain.

But even if dreams come to pass
How long will this fixation last
Before it slips away right down the drain.

It feels as if my heart might break
But I will do all it may take
To make sure all my feelings are restrained.

Is all this torture worth the while
As I can taste the acrid bile
In every choice there will be certain pain

Embrace the freedom and misplace
The thought of fingers interlaced
Until our reverie awakes again.

Tomorrow is another day
Although it may seem far away
And one day I will know your heat again.

+

A day ago I would have thought,
Today would be the end of us.
For what is real and what is not,
And what is love and what is lust,
I've taken so long to adjust,
To this condition I have caught.
This heart condition I have fought.

A month ago I would have said,
That you were just a waste of time.
Another anchor made of lead,
And memories of the sublime.
The pain you caused should be a crime.
For all the salty tears I shed,
For all the truths that went unsaid.

Tomorrow you may let me go,
To leave me here, alone and cold,
But I will warm this frozen snow,
If only fervor was controlled,
If only I was yours to hold.
You say goodbye, I say hello,
Let's kiss again so deep and slow,
And you will whisper "quid pro quo",
But I will never answer no.

+

My thoughts and feelings are sincere
But why do you still linger here
The loss of you has made it hard to cope.

I tear to pieces and deface
The memories I can't replace
Nostalgia makes me sick, I choke on hope.

I try to stop at just one tear
But this dam breaks and it is clear
The hurt I feel is all because of you.

I wish that I could just erase
The way I felt in your embrace
The way it felt when everything was new.

I know it's futile, but I dwell
On tender moments that dispel
The true reality of this deceit.

And you don't care but still I try
Was every word a fucking lie
I might as well give up, admit defeat.

Remember nights before I fell
And there I didn't need to quell
Emotions run amok as I contend.

You talk to me and I just cry
It’s better just to say goodbye
And stop this heartache, I must face the end.

+

here's to you and your
plastic personality
fake smile, glassy eyes.

zero calories
dreaming of the day when I'll
be perfect enough.

flip the hair out of
your eyes and fix that blank stare
on someone who cares.

drink until you drop
smoke until you cough cough cough
bleed until it stops.

i'll bite my lip
like i do everytime
before we kiss

i once saw a face
that made me forget what it's
like to be perfect

unconditional
unrequited and it hurts
to want you this much.

you are so gorgeous
that i may just trip and fall
head over heels for you.

the way you kissed me
carelessly void of any
emotion at all.